Birthday fail dealing with teens.

Sunday 10/11/2015

 My youngest sons birthday was yesterday..he turned 17. I so badly wanted to have a good day with him a small get together with family and he didn't want to have anything to do with it. Apparently he had plans with his friends which I got upset cause we have always celebrated who's ever birthday it is on that day just us as a family then comes the party or whatever we plan for it. So we went back and forth in fighting threw text messages cause he was at work while I was trying to get everything for the BBQ..and I finally just gave up and let him leave. Was I selfish for wanting him to myself..I hated that we argued the whole day on his birthday. I miss my little boy. I can't believe he's now 17 I just wish he would not try so hard to grow up so quickly and cherish family time more. I know he's a teen and he must be seeing this threw a whole new perspective then me but still it's hard to let go. Ugh..I really just wanted to ring the kids neck lol and say you can't go that's it. I'm truly at that moment were I feel my boys will soon be out of the house and I just want to get has much time with them as I can. I just took my other son who will graduate this school year 2016 to get size for his graduating ring. Can't time slow down just a little so I can get some time with my boys. 

Just a little ranting from a mother..

Why is it when you think you have things figured out you don't and when you try to figured them out you just end up more screw up then what you were before. Why does it have to be hard in finding peace with in yourself. Sometimes I think I'm more lost then the average lost person. I wish I could go to India and find a budapest type person the ones who help you find the real you deep beneath all the crap that is drowning you. I feel Im living someone else's life a fife of nothing and I know I was meant for more. I'm in there some where waitting to get out and let loose. I cam feel myself..I can hear myself..but do I know what Iam suppose to do no..I'm stuck and if I don't do something I'm going to drown in my own sadness. I'm meant to do something I'm meat to be someone.

 Reading has become a source of calmness to my life a piece of mind. There is a great satisfaction in just being able to sit and indulge in a good read. It's those couple of lines you read that just catch you off guard but hold you to that story wanting more. I love reading weather its  comedy,horror,mystery,paranormal romance or even the back of the bottle of  Herbal eSSences shampoo..ohlala. I'm not a writer or do I pretend to be one,I'm your average wife and mother who needs a good get away with in story. I do love to give my opinion on those few that catch my attention as yourself and books I have just read. I just started this blog for the fun to see where it leads to,so from time to time i might just drop by and say a few words. I'm simpling living among my books at the moment.